Someone got creative when writing their ad! Good for a laugh, Enjoy!
http://nwga.craigslist.org/cto/4191019188.html
1988 Chevrolet K-5 Blazer – $3000 (Talking Rock)
1988 chevrolet v10 blazerodometer: 55000
Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a 1988 K5 Blazer. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has a solid front axle, wind noise, and character.
It’s a K5. It rides like a K5. It drives like a K5. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.
If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of getting dirty: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR BLAZER.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?
If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR BLAZER.
DETAILS:
-The motor leaks a little oil. How much? I don’t know, I’m not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-Driver’s side door has dents from random off road ventures along with the passenger fender and door. (I have two extra doors)
-The windshield is cracked.
-Passenger sliding glass in top is cracked. (I have an extra one)
-Dash Pad is cracked in several places.
-The TBI 350 starts and runs like a proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires are in great shape and are exceptional off road tires. They are not street friendly. They make a lot of noise. They are 36×13.50 Super Swamper Irok’s
QUESTIONS:
-Why are you selling?
I can’t justify owning it anymore. It sits in my back yard and is lonely. It feels neglected.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Blazer for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.
-What’s wrong with it?
Oil Leak and other cosmetic issues.
-Does the 4WD work?
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / tailgate / axle / etc.]?
No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy it. Love it. Give it a good home.
-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.
-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
-Can you deliver?
NO. I would trust it to drive, but I will not deliver it. You should come get it. Look it over. Test drive it. Etc.
-Will you take a check / cashier’s check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don’t show.
-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.
-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’t running this deal, and until they do I want $3000.
Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this beauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell. Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.
-Why are you such a dick?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.
Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.
Keywords: Offroad off road design muddin mudding bog bogging rock crawler crawling 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1989 1990 1991 82 83 84 85 86 87 89 90 91 c10 c-10 k10 k-10 v10 v-10 Bronco silverado sierra custom deluxe scotsdale scottsdale ramcharger suv truck iroc irok full size superswamper nitto bogger tsl mickey thompson baja claw ground hawg hog
- Location: Talking Rock
- it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Catfish? 